{"id":241,"date":"2026-06-03T13:22:16","date_gmt":"2026-06-03T13:22:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=241"},"modified":"2026-06-03T13:22:16","modified_gmt":"2026-06-03T13:22:16","slug":"this-pride-month-will-no-one-think-of-the-straight-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=241","title":{"rendered":"This Pride Month, will no one think of the straight people?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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As of June 2025, the Williams Institute at UCLA Law School estimated that more than 820,000 same-sex couples lived in the United States. The total population at that time? Roughly 340 million. I point this out because reports of heterosexuality\u2019s demise have been exaggerated, and as much as I hate to interrupt the first week of Pride Month with straight business, I want to stress that, no matter what you\u2019ve heard, heterosexuality persists as the national as well as global norm. We are not at threat level HETCON 1. Heterosexuals are not being chased out of villages like Frankenstein\u2019s monster by mobs of LGBTQ citizens wielding torches, pitchforks and rainbow flags. Straight couples are not being forcibly separated and sent into the Gay Mines to extract and process homosexuality for mass consumption. Male-female pair bonding is in no danger of extinction.<\/p>\n

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As much as I hate to interrupt the first week of Pride Month with straight business, I want to stress that, no matter what you\u2019ve heard, heterosexuality persists as the norm. We are not at threat level HETCON 1.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

That said, the confusion is understandable, given the amount of hand-wringing over dating recessions and falling birth rates we regularly hear about. Still, The New York Times might have flown a bit too close to the sun with one particular opinion piece published last weekend. Originally titled \u201cBeing straight is great, actually,\u201d the headline changed when, presumably, someone noted the optics of running a piece with that title on Pride Eve; it now reads \u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with wanting men.\u201d But the message remains the same: The sad state of straightness can be fixed \u2014 but only if women stop reminding themselves and each other that heterosexual partnership is no longer something that stands between them and the lives they want to lead.<\/p>\n

Written by Playboy senior editor Magdalene J. Taylor, \u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with wanting men\u201d is a plea to her fellow straight women to chill out. Must we really dwell, ladies, on the downsides of heterosexual dating, marriage, childbearing, and domestic labor as though they are issues of life and death? Wouldn\u2019t it be easier to not<\/em> think about how forthcoming politicians and tech broligarchs have become about their plans to curtail reproductive autonomy, employment, cultural participation and voting rights? Can\u2019t we just decide that optimism alone is \u201cstrong enough to render the gender wars irrelevant\u201d? Like those in countless think pieces that came before, Taylor\u2019s prescription for a heterosexuality glow-up doesn\u2019t involve policy or paradigm shifts \u2014 only a selective acknowledgment of reality.<\/p>\n

I do have to hand it to Taylor: Suggesting that the world\u2019s most common sexual orientation is a wounded warrior that requires \u201cBraveheart\u201d levels of defense is a great example of just how badly the internet\u2019s contrarian-industrial complex has aged. All the hot takes are now lukewarm at best; the days when we luxuriated in deliberate provocations like Twitter\u2019s \u201cWashing your legs is classism\u201d or #slatepitch all-timers like \u201cBite me: An evolutionary case for cannibalism\u201d and \u201cThe Case Against Eating Outside.\u201d These days, the prevailing style of curmudgeonry is either nakedly bigoted or, like this one, an extended straw-man argument recast as a bold, brand-new revelation: Heterosexuality is good<\/em>? Should I alert the networks? Should we throw a party? Should we write it in the sky?<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s nothing wrong with wanting men\u201d begins with the iffy premise that extremely online discourse drives what people care about offline. The uptick in digital heteropessimism Taylor references exists largely thanks to algorithm-driven platforms where gendered trash-talking of any kind is pure, uncut engagement bait. Another problem emerges as the piece goes on: Taylor herself is in love. Congratulations and best wishes, obviously. But her desire to believe in the power of positive heterosexual thinking is not unrelated to her own status: It\u2019s a lot easier to ignore the problems when\u00a0 you\u2019re young, employed, and in a good relationship that\u2019s uncomplicated by, say, raising children.<\/p>\n

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Heteropessimism isn\u2019t an anti-straight ideology or a refusal to couple up. It\u2019s not an ideology at all. It\u2019s a presentation, a release valve, an acknowledgement that heterosexuality \u2014 for everyone \u2014 is not always what it\u2019s cracked up to be.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Taylor acknowledges that heteropessimism, a term used by Asa Seresin in a 2019 piece in The New Inquiry, isn\u2019t the same as actually denying or refusing to engage with heterosexuality. In defining the word, Seresin emphasized that heteropessimism\u2019s \u201cperformative disaffiliations with heterosexuality [are] usually expressed in the form of regret, embarrassment, or hopelessness about straight experience . . . That these disaffiliations are \u2018performative\u2019 does not mean that they are insincere, but rather that they are rarely accompanied by the actual abandonment of heterosexuality.\u201d<\/p>\n

In this sense, heteropessimism is a more contemporary form of compulsory heterosexuality, a concept Adrienne Rich identified in 1980 to differentiate heterosexuality as a sexual preference from heterosexuality as the framework of civilizations and the blueprint for building societies. And just as compulsory heterosexuality has existed alongside heterosexual couplings, so has heteropessimism, for the same reason \u2014 the institution of heterosexuality is the bedrock of patriarchy, which, in turn, has defined the world in which everyone lives.<\/p>\n

Heteropessimism isn\u2019t an anti-straight ideology or a refusal to couple up. It\u2019s not an ideology at all. It\u2019s a presentation, a release valve, an acknowledgement that heterosexuality \u2014 for everyone \u2014 is not always what it\u2019s cracked up to be. What Taylor\u2019s piece obfuscates, says film critic, essayist and podcast producer Cate Young (one of a number of feminist writers who tackled the subject of heteropessimism in the 2010s, when it was dubbed performative misandry), \u201cis that heteropessimism is a lament, not a declaration.\u201d \u201cStraight women want <\/i>to find love and be partnered with men who respect them as equal partners,\u201d she says. \u201cThe problem is there are fewer and fewer men who believe in the project of gender equality.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Critiquing heteropessimism without the performative context misses the point: Satistically, the women posting \u201cThrow the whole man away\u201d gifs isn\u2019t committed to remaining single forever. The one who replies \u201cI\u2019ll bring the shovel and your alibi\u201d to a mutual\u2019s mention of a heartless breakup text is, first off, almost certainly not planning to bury a body. Secondly, she\u2019s likely to be going home to a partner of the opposite sex, just as women have always done after letting off some steam at the sewing circle, the consciousness-raising group or the Bravo watch party. This kind of commiseration in the form of light, joking banter exists wherever heterosexual women gather. As rhetoric rather than intent, it\u2019s basically locker-room talk. And we all know not to make a big deal about that, right?<\/p>\n

Taylor is correct that heteropessimism isn\u2019t just for women but incorrect in citing professional misogynists like Andrew Tate and Nick Fuentes as practitioners. However weary she may be of women who curse that they were \u201cborn this way\u201d (that is, straight), it is wildly disingenuous to equate them with men whose entire online presence is built on monetizing disdain for and hatred of women. These are not in the same ballpark. They\u2019re not in the same ZIP code. They\u2019re not even in the same city. Women who weaponize heteropessimism exist, obviously. But if straight women externalized it at even half the rate that men do, every town in the nation would have a women\u2019s prison, and they\u2019d all be at capacity.<\/p>\n

The piece\u2019s most telling detail is its failure to read the room. Taylor argues that women \u201chave greater freedom than ever before to become whom we want and to date whom we want,\u201d but doesn\u2019t point out that this is precisely what a worrying number of people (not all of them men) are intent on changing. Hetero-optimism can\u2019t thrive without acknowledging the context of heteropessimism: A culture in which misogyny regularly, systemically impacts women\u2019s ability to exist in the world. Complaining that women are insufficiently pro-hetero in a time when the Epstein Files are in a seemingly endless loop of removal and redaction \u2014 and when thousands of men visit online chat rooms expressly to learn how to violate their sleeping wives, and when voting rights are being stripped away from anyone who isn\u2019t a white man \u2014 is bizarre.<\/p>\n

Asserting that hetero-optimism is necessary for heterosexuality to thrive is both defensive and ahistorical. For centuries, marriage was not the consecration of love, but rather an economic transaction between families who paired up their children in order to consolidate power and land ownership. Were these sons and daughters all big fans of the opposite sex who dreamed of happily ever after? Or were they children treated like breeding stock, with no say in the matter? Likewise, at a time when homosexuality was charged as a crime and classified as a mental illness, plenty of men who loved men married women, and plenty of women who loved women married men. Were they actually repping Team Hetero? Or were they swimming with the normative current in order to maintain careers, families, social standing \u2014 or, for that matter, to avoid being sent to asylums for shock treatment?<\/p>\n

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Hetero-optimism can certainly exist, but not without acknowledging its context: A culture in which misogyny impacts women\u2019s ability to exist in the world.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Heteropessimism exists alongside heterosexuality not because being straight is terrible or embarrassing or out of fashion, but because it is, first and foremost, an institution \u2014 one that in many places remains dangerous to spurn. But Taylor\u2019s piece does point to one truth: This institution is no longer as powerful as it once was. In large part, this is the work of decades in which LGBTQ communities and individuals fought for the legal and social recognition of same-sex partnership \u2014 hard-won rights that the current political leadership is determined to repeal.<\/p>\n

But the waning power of heterosexuality is also the result of oppositional economic conditions: A nation that prioritizes profit over people shouldn\u2019t be shocked that currently existing people don\u2019t prioritize making new ones. A corporate culture that favors shareholders over workers makes for a lot of would-be daters who can\u2019t fit dinner and a movie \u2014 much less marriage and children \u2014 into their financial futures. A market in which private equity increasingly buys up single-family housing isn\u2019t going to yield havens of picket fences and prosperity. And a government that chooses to force childbirth on its citizens as a form of moral punishment is going to see fewer people want to dim the lights, draw the blinds and cue up the Barry White.<\/p>\n

Do not cry for heterosexuality. If its overall favorability rating has fallen \u2014 and again, we are talking about the worldwide default here \u2014 it\u2019s not because women are liking and sharing Reels or engaging in the kind of dark humor that\u2019s the birthright of any minoritized population. But perhaps more to the point: If heterosexuality is so great, why does it require a sales pitch at all?<\/p>\n

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Heteropessimism is real, but it isn\u2019t the danger The New York Times thinks it is<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":240,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[4,414,415],"class_list":["post-241","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","tag-commentary","tag-heterosexuality","tag-pride"],"yoast_head":"\nThis Pride Month, will no one think of the straight people? - Relocation Across America<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=241\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"This Pride Month, will no one think of the straight people? - Relocation Across America\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Heteropessimism is real, but it isn\u2019t the danger The New York Times thinks it is\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=241\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Relocation Across America\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-03T13:22:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"9 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/?p=241#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/?p=241\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/ba2572fa1a7a241291fdc36bdae80fcf\"},\"headline\":\"This Pride Month, will no one think of the straight people?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-03T13:22:16+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/?p=241\"},\"wordCount\":1898,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/?p=241#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/06\\\/06e46bfaef475cbfc1ea4584a2b22b9a.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Commentary\",\"Heterosexuality\",\"Pride\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Culture\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/?p=241#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/?p=241\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/relocationacrossamerica.com\\\/?p=241\",\"name\":\"This Pride Month, will no one think of the straight people? 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