{"id":252,"date":"2026-06-04T13:15:45","date_gmt":"2026-06-04T13:15:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=252"},"modified":"2026-06-04T13:15:45","modified_gmt":"2026-06-04T13:15:45","slug":"we-need-to-talk-about-boy-moms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=252","title":{"rendered":"We need to talk about Boy Moms"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t put him in that,\u201d were the first words out of my mouth when my then-husband showed me one of the baby items his mother had sent for our son: a onesie printed with the outline of a muffin and the words \u201cMommy\u2019s Little Stud Muffin\u201d in bright-blue curlicued script. It was 2009, \u201cfunny\u201d onesies were a whole thing, and though it was hard to imagine what would make a parent put their infant in a garment that bragged \u201cHung like a 1st grader\u201d or \u201cI drink at mommy\u2019s snack bar,\u201d someone <\/em>out there was buying these things. My mother-in-law wasn\u2019t one for raunch; she probably just thought the onesie was silly and cute. It went straight into a donation box anyway.<\/p>\n

Read more America\u2019s secret civilian killings echo one of its darkest chapters<\/a><\/p>\n

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Boy Moms stand alone, the main characters in what often seem like one-woman romantic tragedies of doomed longing. The lack of a son\u2019s POV makes Boy Mom pining both performative and disturbingly real.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

This memory surfaced the other day when I saw the flurry of Instagram chatter about Jenny Mollen, who recently posted photos of herself wrapped around her 12-year-old son, faces obscured, a tangle of limbs and hair on top of a bed. After reading the caption \u2014 \u201cYour eldest son will be the most toxic man you ever date\u201d \u2014 I understood why the post was going viral. It was a portrait of suffocation: a warning from a mother already desperate to make sure that no woman on Earth will ever love her son as much as she does, regardless of what that means for him. (Did I mention that the soundtrack for the post was Beyonc\u00e9 and Jay-Z\u2019s \u201c\u201903 Bonnie & Clyde\u201d?)<\/p>\n

As unnerving as this post was, it\u2019s probably not the most questionable thing Mollen has put on her social-media feeds. A proudly attention-seeking, self-obsessed writer, actor and Hollywood wife (until recently, she was married to \u201cAmerican Pie\u201d star Jason Biggs), Mollen specializes in oversharing and blithe chaos: posting boobs on main, filming herself at cosmetic-surgery appointments, and regularly spewing the kind of private details that would have to be waterboarded out of most people. On an internet full of #boymoms who address their newborn sons as \u201csexy daddy\u201d and admit to making their daughters do all the household chores, Mollen hasn\u2019t stood out as particularly unhinged in expressions of maternal devotion. But even Boy Moms have a line in the sand, and many of them made it clear in the post\u2019s comments that Mollen had crossed it: \u201cThis is why people say boy moms are weird.\u201d<\/p>\n

You may already know that a boy mom and a Boy Mom are two very different things. Until I had a son, I did not: My only working image of a boy mom came from my suburban childhood, where a mother of more than two sons was generally recognizable by her breakneck carpooling schedule, feet-scented station wagon, home strewn with hockey sticks and cleats and Brobdingnagian laundry situation. The contemporary Boy Mom probably also has some of those things, but her more distinguishing feature is being both intensely protective of and seemingly in love with her son\/s \u2014 and, maybe more important, ready to throw down with anyone unfortunate enough to come between them.<\/p>\n

My first indirect encounter with a Boy Mom happened via a Facebook post from a mother with an important message for the teen girls of social media. I wish I could recall the exact wording, but the tl;dr was: Stop putting photos of yourselves in bikinis online; they are afflicting my perfect angel sons with lustful thoughts and I\u2019m holding you hussies responsible<\/em>. My second encounter involved a mother who told me, at a toddler\u2019s birthday party, that her son was the love of her life and she planned to ensure that he became all the things her husband wasn\u2019t (e.g., present, emotionally intelligent, physically affectionate, gift-giving). And once I became aware of the online Boy Mom, I saw them everywhere.<\/p>\n

Of course, they\u2019ve always been everywhere. History, literature and pop culture are lousy with Boy Moms \u2014 the Bible\u2019s Rebecca, the Roman Empire\u2019s Agrippina, Norma Bates, Gertrude Morel, Sophie Portnoy, Viola Fields and Lucille Bluth. The moms of I-still-can\u2019t-believe-this-happened \u201cMILF Manor,\u201d and the matrons of the equally alarming \u201cI Love a Mama\u2019s Boy.\u201d In most of these, we can see the mother-son dynamic, however frustrating or overbearing or dysfunctional, play out. By contrast, on social media, Boy Moms stand alone, the main characters in what often seem like one-woman romantic tragedies of doomed longing. The lack of a son\u2019s POV makes Boy Mom pining both performative and disturbingly real: Does the son know that his mother\u2019s obsession with him has her lamenting, in front of a camera or typing in a text box, that she already hates her son\u2019s future wife; or worrying about him going off to college and being \u201cframed\u201d for sexual assault; or angrily going off on Girls These Days.<\/p>\n

This is what makes Mollen\u2019s reference to dating the toxic man that is her son so disquieting: Why would you tell a 12-year-old boy he\u2019s toxic unless you intend for him to be just that? The May 10 Substack essay that began circulating in the wake of her Instagram post did nothing to dispel that eventuality. Titled \u201cPlease. Stay. I Want You. I Need You. Oh god,\u201d it comes right out of the gate with this doozy: \u201cCall me old-fashioned, but I only want my sons to marry women with dead mothers. It\u2019s my only shot at staying relevant, of seeming useful, and of winning by comparison.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more Inside NYC\u2019s overlooked primary<\/a><\/p>\n

I get what she\u2019s doing here: Part of motherhood is trusting that if you do it right, your child will have no problem leaving the nest. And accepting that joyful sorrow and sorrowful joy are the double helix of parental DNA takes time. But hoping girls lose their mothers for the future soothing of her own ego? That\u2019s nasty work, and difficult to brush off as hyperbole given that pictures of Mollen lying between her son\u2019s legs on a bed with her hands cradling his head are right there.) A mother who sees other women as her direct competition isn\u2019t just creepy, she\u2019s dangerous \u2014 and the fact that, in this case, the other women are preteen girls makes it even worse. Here\u2019s Mollen later in the piece, describing her son texting with a girl: \u201c[S]he was twelve, but I could already tell my brand of toxic. She was bossing him around and using big words, and he was utterly spun,\u201d she writes. \u201cI complained to Jason that I wanted to intervene before he got hurt and that she wasn\u2019t even hotter than me.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are people who saw nothing wrong with Mollen or the photos, as evidenced by comments like \u201cAs someone whose love language is physical touch \u2014 THIS IS PERFECT\u201d and \u201cI HOPE my kids will hug me like this at 12!\u201d \u00a0Comedian and podcast host Alison Rosen, a friend of Mollen\u2019s, wrote on Threads that \u201cThe over-the-top reaction\u201d to the piece \u201cis insane and gross to me\u2026. It\u2019s about the inevitability of your kids growing up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

It makes me wonder if what makes a boy\u2019s mother a Boy Mom is a sense of self that requires the consistent validation of being needed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Well, okay: In the absolute broadest possible sense, the photos are about her kids growing up. But people are reacting so strongly not because of how Mollen appears to be dealing with a future inevitability, but because in her right-now behavior, she\u2019s cast her son as her one and only. (After initially deleting the photo caption about dating her son, she returned later to assert \u201cI stand by this!\u201d If the genders were reversed, we\u2019d have no problem calling it inappropriate<\/em>, I thought, before remembering the Christian purity-ring ceremonies at which girls attend father-daughter dances and pledge their virginity to dad \u2014 just for safekeeping, until they marry and it transfers into the care of their husbands.<\/p>\n

As the mother of a boy, a bit of my heart goes out to Mollen: I couldn\u2019t begin to list the number of moments during my kid\u2019s childhood when I\u2019d start to cry picturing his high-school graduation, or saw a toddler with the same toddler mannerisms he had, or watching him sleep (not because I\u2019m creepy, but because he\u2019s a real pill first thing in the morning). But mostly, it makes me wonder if what makes a boy\u2019s mother a Boy Mom is a sense of self that requires the consistent validation of being needed.<\/p>\n

Before there was the #boymom, there was the #girldad, a figure who emerged online in the 2010s to uplift fathers who had daughters, realized sexism exists, and made it their mission to be a bulwark against the gender stereotyping and sexualization that awaited their daughters as the grow up. This identity came with its own set of issues and judgments (should men really get a better-late-than-never pass for recognizing how differently the world treats girls only after creating one of them?), but there\u2019s no denying that #girldad culture is a paradigm built on nurturing independence and confidence in girls.<\/p>\n

The Boy Mom, on the other hand, embodies the stalest of beliefs \u2014 that women become valuable, necessary, and complete only in relation to men, and must never cede that status. Mollen, ironically, knows the pattern: In her Substack essay, she recalls that her mother-in-law \u201cfell apart\u201d when she and Biggs announced their engagement. So while I suspect social-media commentators deluging Mollen with threats to call CPS won\u2019t do anything but make her triple down, the best outcome of this sh*tshow is that she realizes setting her son up for embarrassment in the present, and all but ensuring that future partners will never feel like enough, isn\u2019t something to strive for.<\/p>\n

Read more Watching Fox News increases belief in \u201cGreat Replacement\u201d hokum<\/a><\/p>\n<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jenny Mollen\u2019s viral post about her son echoes a long history of mothers who refuse to cut the cord<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":251,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[433,434,4,435,436,437],"class_list":["post-252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","tag-boy-moms","tag-boymom","tag-commentary","tag-instagram","tag-jason-biggs","tag-motherhood"],"yoast_head":"\nWe need to talk about Boy Moms - Relocation Across America<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=252\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"We need to talk about Boy Moms - 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