{"id":300,"date":"2026-06-07T13:13:37","date_gmt":"2026-06-07T13:13:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=300"},"modified":"2026-06-07T13:13:37","modified_gmt":"2026-06-07T13:13:37","slug":"ryan-oconnell-is-his-own-inspiration-porn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=300","title":{"rendered":"Ryan O\u2019Connell is his own inspiration porn"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cI\u2019m normalizing taking interviews from bed,\u201d says writer\/actor\/showrunner Ryan O\u2019Connell, cheerfully and horizontally. \u201cI think it\u2019s time.\u201d The 39-year-old author-actor-screenwriter has definitely earned some serious relaxation: He broke out in 2010 as the star writer at Thought Catalog, the internet\u2019s most notorious repository of Millennial navel-gazing, and was taking meetings in Hollywood almost as soon as his debut memoir, 2015\u2019s \u201cI\u2019m Special: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves,\u201d was published. After writing the first season of the Netflix adaptation \u201cSpecial,\u201d O\u2019Connell was surprised to be told he was also starring in it as himself: a neurotic, scabrously funny young gay man who can be candid about everything but the cerebral palsy he plays off as a car-crash injury.<\/p>

Read more Iran is \u201cTrump\u2019s Vietnam\u201d \u2014 and it\u2019s going to get a lot worse<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

\u201cThis title came from me looking at the life I had built for myself in my 30s, compared to the Blumhouse production that was my 20s, and being like, \u2018Is it problematic that I am my own inspiration porn?’\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

O\u2019Connell\u2019s second memoir, \u201cInspiration Porn,\u201d chronicles his years in the feast-or-famine trenches of TV writing (his credits include the reboots of \u201cWill & Grace\u201d and \u201cQueer as Folk\u201d) but began as a sex chronicle called \u201cThe Slut Diaries\u201d that he began writing in 2021 because, as he told Publisher\u2019s Weekly recently, \u201cI\u2019ve always felt very siloed from the world of intimacy and sex.\u201d In its final form, \u201cInspiration Porn\u201d has plenty of sex, but it also has a sense of rigor; O\u2019Connell examines the personal and cultural forces that have shaped him \u2013 family dysfunction, ableism, shame, ambition \u2013 with a determined introspection, holding his own feet to the fire of honesty and authenticity.<\/p>\n

We talked via screen a few days after \u201cInspiration Porn,\u201d whose title plays on the disability community\u2019s shorthand for their objectification, was published. Our conversation has been condensed and lightly edited for clarity.<\/p>\n

They have, but I wouldn\u2019t say it\u2019s missing the point. This title came from me looking at the life I had built for myself in my 30s, compared to the Blumhouse production that was my 20s, and being like, \u201cIs it problematic that I am my own inspiration porn?\u201d I really was proud of myself for achieving things that I never thought were going to be possible. So if someone wants to read this book and find me inspiring, well, I wouldn\u2019t be offended.<\/p>\n

The way vulnerability exists online today freaks me out. It makes me feel very Elder Millennial. Because I made a name for myself being very open and very honest. That, to me, was about a need for survival more than a need to brand myself or my identity. As Thought Catalog exploded in popularity, there was a sort of deadening of the self, like OK, let\u2019s just produce hits. But it started from a very organic, pure place.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cThe way vulnerability exists online today freaks me out. It makes me feel very Elder Millennial.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Now, when I go on Instagram and check out Reels \u2014 I\u2019m not on TikTok, because my brain is already diseased enough \u2014 and I see people post videos that are literally like \u201cWhat it\u2019s like to spend Friday night with no friends in New York City\u201d and it\u2019s like a woman coming home from a corporate job and making herself a ginger ale in a wine glass, my bones turn to crushed ice and I become scared for my life. It\u2019s bastardized something that I really love, which is personal writing. I grew up reading people like Elizabeth Wurtzel who were messy and spiky. Now people are literally, like, sitting at home thinking about what aspect of their life they can commodify and turn viral.<\/p>\n

As painful as it was to be closeted about my disability until I was 28 \u2014 when I started writing for Thought Catalog I\u2019d never written about my CP \u2014 I was almost relieved, because I was able to be something beyond my marginalization. I think we\u2019ve [also] really lost our sense of nuance because people have become their avatars more than they\u2019ve become human beings. And when we flatten ourselves online it seeps into real life.<\/p>\n

Well, it\u2019s complicated. You went from people feeling deep shame about who they were to them becoming their identity, becoming their trauma, becoming their marginalization. I look at disability influencers online and I feel a myriad of things: I feel so happy that they exist [and are] talking about their experiences openly, and there\u2019s a part of me that feels protective and concerned [when] I look at their feeds and everything they post relates back to their disability.<\/p>\n

[Disability] is not the main character of my life. Sometimes it\u2019s first on the call sheet, sometimes it never gets called to set. I think it can be a really delicate dance between empowering and kind of living in victimization for your personal brand. I don\u2019t blame anyone for reading the room and trying to create a business of the self under capitalism. But I always feel a little bit concerned because it can be painful to reduce yourself to being one singular thing.<\/p>\n

You know, my mom and I have had a complicated path, and one thing I always give her credit for is that she has never been like, \u201cYou can\u2019t write about this.\u201d She\u2019s always been like, \u201cYou need to work through what you need to work through.\u201d<\/p>\n

The character in \u201cSpecial\u201d is different from my mom in real life. There\u2019s a big piece of her \u2014 the alcoholism \u2014 that I never put into the character of Karen. But emotionally, that relationship is very autobiographical. There\u2019s an episode in Season 2 told from Karen\u2019s point of view, [with] flashbacks of me as a younger kid, that sort of lays out how [our] codependency started. It was me really trying to analyze our dynamic. And I remember calling my mom and being like, \u201cDid you see the episode?\u201d and the only thing she said was, \u201cThe kid they got to play younger you doesn\u2019t look like you.\u201d<\/p>

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And I was like, \u201cThis is your takeaway?\u201d Now, of course it wasn\u2019t, but I don\u2019t think she had the tools to unpack [the episode] in a meaningful way. I think it was extremely overwhelming. There\u2019s no book written about what to do when your son makes a Netflix TV show about your relationship. I grew up in a family that didn\u2019t talk about things, so I\u2019m like their worst f*cking nightmare.<\/p>\n

I spent years of my life, and Netflix spent millions of dollars, trying to help me reach my mom. I was like, \u201cIf I can\u2019t reach her through a phone call, maybe if I can reach her through episodes of TV.\u201d It\u2019s very hard for her to see the things she did as an alcoholic to me and to our family, but she knows it\u2019s important to me to create healing in it. We\u2019re in a good place right now.<\/p>\n

Are you saying I\u2019m the new AIDS? [Laughs]<\/p>\n

In my 20s, I didn\u2019t. I was pretty boundaryless. And I was stupid! I mean, my prefrontal cortex hadn\u2019t dropped. It was about just writing things as I experienced them without really taking anyone else\u2019s perspective into consideration. But when I was writing \u201cThe Slut Diaries,\u201d [and] when I had a negative experience, it was really important to me to judge my own complicity in the dynamic. Like: What was bringing me here? For example, I was having sex with a person who was microaggressing me and telling me really insane things about my body, calling me a toy that was broken \u2014 just really weird, odd things that, personally, I would never say to someone. But I kept f*cking him! So honey, what\u2019s that about?<\/p>\n

I never want to feel like any of [my writing] is \u201cgotcha.\u201d I want to be able to stand behind everything I wrote, so that if anyone came forward [to say], \u201cI want to talk about what you wrote,\u201d I\u2019ll feel confident in talking about it. Maybe this is tooting my own horn, but everything I wrote was true. I didn\u2019t embellish a single thing. But it\u2019s really important to acknowledge what role I\u2019m playing in things. Even if you\u2019re the person I\u2019m writing about and you didn\u2019t experience things in the exact same way, I don\u2019t think anything I wrote was so off-base that you couldn\u2019t be like, Oh, I understand how he could have felt that way.<\/p>\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n

(Ryan McGinley)<\/span> Ryan O\u2019Connell<\/p><\/div>\n

Oh my god. Beyond. I was in college at Eugene Lang in probably 2008, 2009, and Ryan McGinley had us all in a chokehold. [He] was kind of famous for doing these road trips with his interns, just like hot naked people jumping off mountains. And I remember being \u2014 in my eyes \u2014 this disabled troll in the computer lab at Lang, [seeing] these images and being like, I want to be a McGinley boy.<\/p>\n

So the cover was this full-circle moment. But also, the way Ryan photographs sex and sexuality is very pure and playful. A lot of times, especially when there\u2019s nudity involved and it\u2019s gay guys, you just think of one thing: capital-H horny. Ryan is able to get at a lot more in his pictures. I wanted the photographs to capture sex in the way I write about sex in the book.\u00a0I hope I write about sex in a way that doesn\u2019t just feel horny or provocative. I hope it\u2019s emotional, funny, all the things.<\/p>\n

I have profound ambivalence about anything related to fame. I try to get to that in the book\u2019s essay about Hollywood: I have, unfortunately, a really gnarly case of Look-at-me-don\u2019t-look-at-me disease. When I did \u201cSpecial,\u201d I went from being Nora Ephron to [being] Meg Ryan \u2014 [from a] writer who was always going to be behind the scenes to being in front of the camera. And because of that, I was sort of thrust into the ecosystem of Hollywood \u2014 the parties, the lists in the trades, publicists, stylists. As much as I loved attention and wasn\u2019t a wallflower, I found the whole experience to be pretty icky.<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cI think I have career dysmorphia, where I feel like I\u2019m kind of a flop. So I always think I write things for like 10 gay guys in Bushwick and that\u2019s basically it.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

And then I felt like something was wrong with me for not enjoying it more. When I had to campaign for Emmys for \u201cSpecial,\u201d it was truly like a political campaign: I was sent to the bowels of the Valley to hang out with Emmy voters. All of it seemed really fake, and I felt disenchanted with the whole process. I remember talking to someone who had won an Emmy in a prior year who was like, \u201cNo, you just have to keep going, you have to put your whole pussy into it,\u201d and I was like, I don\u2019t want to do this. I just wanted to be in the writers\u2019 room, making the show.<\/p>\n

Even promoting this book is fraught for me. I think I have career dysmorphia, where I feel like I\u2019m kind of a flop. So I always think I write things for like 10 gay guys in Bushwick and that\u2019s basically it. It\u2019s my Virgo, type-A workhorse mentality.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m an incredibly ambitious person, but it\u2019s really not about fame. I want to be able to make my work. I do the math, I go beep bop boop boop boop<\/em>, and I\u2019m like, OK, in order for it to not be hard for me to sell the next thing, I need to be more visible. I need to be a person out in these streets, going to the Oscar Mayer Wiener Pride party, you know what I mean? But I don\u2019t want to go to the Oscar Mayer Wiener Pride party! I want to be in bed!<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t watch \u201cSpecial\u201d for years. And then I rewatched it last year and [it] felt like the only time I\u2019d achieved distance from it, because it had been so long since I\u2019d seen it. I\u2019ve grown as a writer and as an actor, so there were definitely things I feel like I would change. But I also think that\u2019s really beautiful. Having a body of work is such a privilege. If I saw \u201cSpecial,\u201d a thing I made at 31 years old in 2018, and was like, \u201cYep! Wouldn\u2019t change a thing!\u201d I\u2019d be worried for myself.<\/p>

Read more Texas Democrat\u2019s congressional win is a generational shift backed by cryptocurrency<\/a><\/p>\n<\/section>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ryan O\u2019Connell talks family shame, TV fame and what the internet has done for \u2013 and to \u2013 vulnerability <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":298,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[526,527,528,529,530,400,459,531,532,533,534],"class_list":["post-300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-culture","tag-books","tag-cerebral-palsy","tag-confessional-writing","tag-gay","tag-hollywood","tag-interview","tag-lgbtq","tag-memoirs","tag-queer-as-folk","tag-ryan-oconnell","tag-thought-catalog"],"yoast_head":"\nRyan O\u2019Connell is his own inspiration porn - Relocation Across America<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=300\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ryan O\u2019Connell is his own inspiration porn - 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