{"id":902,"date":"2026-07-11T10:38:55","date_gmt":"2026-07-11T10:38:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=902"},"modified":"2026-07-11T10:38:55","modified_gmt":"2026-07-11T10:38:55","slug":"the-emotional-turmoil-americans-face-after-moving-abroad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=902","title":{"rendered":"The emotional turmoil Americans face after moving abroad"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

In September 2025, Ruby Mora, a 34-year-old from Pennsylvania, packed her bags and moved to the Netherlands with her husband. As a neurodivergent Puerto Rican-Mexican woman, she didn\u2019t feel safe in Trump\u2019s America anymore. A community effort helped her finance the relocation and she also secured a visa called DAFT (Dutch-American Friendship Treaty), allowing her to live and work in the Netherlands as a self-employed entrepreneur. While she is just starting to feel settled today, nearly a year later, she never would have expected the complicated and challenging emotions that would surface after the move \u2014 and how long they\u2019d last.<\/p>\n

Read more Trump fires all Election Assistance Commission members, leaving agency unable to act<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cThe biggest emotion for me has to be grief, but specifically migratory grief,\u201d Mora said. \u201cAnd the other major feeling is the guilt; it\u2019s just been this heavy guilt that is like, why should I get to be here and not my loved ones, not my friends, or colleagues?\u201d<\/p>\n

According to research from The Brookings Institution, a record number of Americans are leaving the United States. In 2025, the country experienced net negative migration for the first time in at least half a century, meaning more people left the country than entered. But for those who choose to leave, they\u2019ve been met with unexpected emotional turbulence. After the initial excitement wears off, many people face loneliness, sadness, guilt and grief \u2014 aspects of the move that aren\u2019t often discussed before one. As a result, a cottage industry of mental health \u201cexpat therapists\u201d has emerged, helping people navigate these complex emotions of moving abroad.<\/p>\n

Janaline Smalman, an expat therapist and founder of Healing Art Journey, said it\u2019s common for people who move abroad to struggle with unexpected, challenging emotions for a variety of reasons.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople expect excitement,\u201d Smalman, who has lived and worked in 13 different countries, said. \u201cWhat actually shows up is messier.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cPeople expect excitement \u2026 What actually shows up is messier.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

She said there\u2019s grief for the people, routines and even a person\u2019s identity that\u2019s been left behind. And as Mora experienced, there\u2019s guilt.<\/p>\n

\u201cEspecially around leaving family, and anger at how much harder ordinary tasks suddenly are,\u201d Smalman said. \u201cThen there\u2019s comparison: near-constant, measuring of the new place against the old one, and there\u2019s a loss of identity that catches people off guard.\u201d<\/p>\n

In America, Americans knew how life functioned. But when someone moves abroad, they\u2019re starting from zero. Smalman said this can be especially challenging for Americans.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmericans often come from a culture built on independence, productivity and self-reliance,\u201d she said. \u201cWhen everyday tasks suddenly require help, or take three times as long because of language or unfamiliar systems, it can feel disorienting in a way that catches people off guard.\u201d<\/p>\n

Enik\u00f6 Hajas, a psychotherapist who works with people who relocate abroad, said it\u2019s common to experience depression, loneliness or grief in the first year or two after moving.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt happened to me 30 years ago, and it happens to many clients of mine,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Hajas said there\u2019s a predictable sequence of events that can occur. First, it can show up as small irritations \u2014 like feeling annoyed with the bureaucracy or the transportation system. Then, it turns into critique. When people fail or make a mistake, they can become very emotional and blame the new culture and country.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey start idealizing their old culture; suddenly things seem much nicer than when they lived at home,\u201d she said. \u201cWhen loneliness hits them and the lack of a social support system, they start resenting the locals and perhaps even avoid meeting them and isolate themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

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In 2019, Zeni Bandy moved from San Francisco to Paris. While she loved the Bay Area, she felt like the culture was too focused on work. Instead, she was at a point in her life where she wanted to focus on building community. Since her husband at the time had previously lived in Paris and had family there, relocating to France made sense. Bandy had only visited Paris for a week before, but she didn\u2019t expect culture shock would affect her as much as it did.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hadn\u2019t done much research; I just didn\u2019t know what I was getting myself into,\u201d Bandy said. \u201cAnd I\u2019m actually really appreciative that I didn\u2019t, because I probably wouldn\u2019t have done it if I would\u2019ve known.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bandy found the move immediately challenging \u2014 from trying to figure out how to buy a gym locker to discovering her preferred grocery store, every task felt like extra work.<\/p>\n

\u201cDoing the most basic things was extremely daunting,\u201d Bandy said. \u201cIt was a pretty isolating experience.\u201d<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t until she got pregnant and connected with the English-speaking parent community that she started to really see herself in Paris long-term. After her daughter was born, when there was a school shooting in the U.S., she thought about how, if she returned to the states, she would have to decide how to explain safety and gun violence to her daughter.<\/p>\n

\u201cI remember thinking, so when we go back, do we teach her gun violence and being safe \u2014 or do we just wait and let the school do it?\u201d she said. \u201cThen I realized that I don\u2019t have to make that decision.\u201d<\/p>\n

Smalman said many Americans also struggle with losing a \u201cpiece of professional identity.\u201d That was true for Hilary Hodge, who moved from Chicago to Paris in 2017. Her first couple of years abroad were fine, she said, but when she moved to a smaller city in the Loire Valley in France, she felt more isolated. She also struggled with how her professional life changed. Fortunately, she was able to work with a British therapist living in France to work through these emotions.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe has helped me quite a bit reconcile letting go of what I thought my career trajectory was going to be and embracing a new one,\u201d Hodge said.<\/p>\n

Smalman said the way she helps people process these emotions is through art therapy. First, she reads a poem. Then, a client is encouraged to create art. \u201cIt\u2019s about giving a shape to what\u2019s hard to say out loud,\u201d she said. \u201cThen we reflect together, often through journaling, on what came up.\u201d It\u2019s not about the outcome of the art, but rather an opportunity to reflect without judgement.<\/p>\n

\u201cA space where they don\u2019t have to hold it together or explain themselves,\u201d she said. \u201cTo pause, create, and come back to who they are underneath all the change.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mora said, for Americans considering a move abroad, it\u2019s important to know there will be challenges \u2014 but there are also resources, and it will get easier. In addition to therapists, she said there are plenty of resources online and international centers to help people assimilate.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not going to be easy, but given how much both my husband and I have gained from living here where there are so many human-centered policies, I say it was so beyond worth it,\u201d Mora said.<\/p>\n

Read more Xiu Xiu channels the spectral sounds of \u201cEraserhead\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n<\/section>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Moving abroad sounds like an exotic escape from America\u2019s chaos. Grief and guilt often follow<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":901,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1224,345,1225,1226,1227,293],"class_list":["post-902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting","tag-america","tag-france","tag-moving-abroad","tag-paris","tag-san-francisco","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nThe emotional turmoil Americans face after moving abroad - Relocation Across America<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/relocationacrossamerica.com\/?p=902\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The emotional turmoil Americans face after moving abroad - Relocation Across America\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Moving abroad sounds like an exotic escape from America\u2019s chaos. 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